Hash Trashes 800

SAIPAN HASH TRASH
Issues 800 - 809

RUN # 809

RUN # 808

RUN # 807

RUN # 806 THE “BIG RADAR CIRCLE” RUN
HARES: MARQUESA DE SADE &
BLOW JOB
BOX: DESTROYER OF WORLDS BUNKER ON RADAR ROAD
ON HOME: CASTRO’S PIG FARM
CASUALTIES: FLOORSHOW
RUN RATING: ***
DLMM RATING: 000000

25 hounds showed up at the BOG, including the long missing Kowpaddy, the commodore and some crew just back from a road trip to the Pattaya Hash House Harriers, and the almost gone Lap Robe. The box was announced as the Robert Oppenheimer Bunker (because of the quote on the back wall, what he said at the detonation of the first Atomic Bomb on 7/16/45). At the box the hares gave the special instructions that there would be “PINK” ribbon on the trail. NEW PINK ribbon. Then the two hares were off and the Tyrant ‘splained the instructions to the lone FNG. Once the 10-minute head start was up, the pack was off. One person headed up the hill to a very close On Back. The Tyrant leaped out of the box and headed north towards the Little Burma Road, while the pack, who had been standing with their fingers up their butts took off after him. A long, long On Back is what the Tyrant found at the “Y” which leads to the Mt. Suu Suu trail. Those who were stupid enough to follow the Tyrant (after warnings from Kowpaddy), turned around and headed south again. Dogleg was the only person who checked down hill and got on true trail The pack then headed down the Radar Road to a checking at the entrance to the Laderan Tangke Trail. The only person to actually do the entire trail was Dogleg. The rest of the pack, (except for Mr. Happy Pockets and Chuck who went all the way to Bird Island), running past an arrow heard someone inside the trail and called out “ARE YOU, going in or out?” When the answer was “up”, the pack knew that there was some true trail inside. So the pack headed on to the trail head, past at least on ON BACK, and then on up a very steep and rocky trail. The trail continued almost straight up for about 500 feet, through some really stiff and thick vines like the ones from last week. About half way up this portion of the trail, FRB Dogleg tried to pass the slower hounds, and ran into a huge spider web and began screaming like a girl. Eventually, the trail popped out on the very edge of the cliff on which the PACBAR Radar dish sits. The trail meandered along the edge for a while and then popped out of the jungle next to the compound fence. The trail continued along the fence line, and then out on to the main access road. A check here took the pack back down the main radar road, back to the first check, which was now pointing in the opposite direction of where it had been at the beginning of the run. An arrow then took the pack down to the pig farm, which was famous for the Psycho and Skid Mark, auto accident. Most of the pack arrived well before dark and was treated to a really slow green flash. We got to meet the farmer Rambo and his brood of 17 pigs. Pigs that Kowpaddy was getting awfully close to. (He can not resist a bare naked teat). The hares went out after the missing two hounds and were gone for quite some time. They came back, got some cell phones, and then went out again, with Ciega and Kramden headed out to the Little Burma Road. A phone call from Blow Job explained how the two missing hounds had run to Bird Island, then caught a cab at Marianas Resort, missing the checking in the dark, they drove to the Aqua Resort and then called Blow Job. Once everyone was back, the Tyrant piped up Religion and the Hares were called forward. Next the FNG was called up and did his down down. One of the sailors came up and gave a trip report of the Pattaya hash but admitted that there is no hash like the Saipan Hash. Next came many courtesies to the run and many jokes and tales from the trail followed this. Like all good things the evening had to end and the Tyrant called for policing the area. Swing Low was sung and the assembled headed to the Culture Café. The Tyrant of course went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

MISMANAGEMENT
TYRANT/GM: HAJ, F.KRAMDEN, SIR!!
RA: HAJJI PEE WEE
AAAARA: DOG LEG
FIRE MASTER: PINOCULAR
D.L.MMMM TECHNICIAN: DOGLEG
HASH CASH: CIEGA
TRAIL MASTER: HAJJI PEEWEE
HASH SCRIBE: RINGMASTER NED
The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
808   5/13/00    GRAB ASS
809   5/20/00    MARQUESA DE SADE
810   5/27/00    THE LONE RANGER
811   6/3/00      FLAPPING LIPS
812   6/10/00    LUNCH LADY
813   6/17/00    MR. HAPPY POCKETS
833   11/4/00 CLAYMORE AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
840 12/23/00 CLAYMORE THE XMAS HASH
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO BE A HARE, CONTACT CIEGA. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
I guess that it was just last week, because this week was Mahvelous. The sky was right, the flash was green, because of the two lost hounds, the crowd had a chance to get mellow. The trail was well marked but once again, the Tyrant (and many others) missed the latter part of a trail which turned back on itself. Even during religion, we are finally comfortable singing hash songs like the Guamaniacs. It was a wonderful night. It reminds me why I continue to hash, week after week, year after year, decade after decade.

HASH BULLETIN BOARD
MAY 20,2000, TAGAMAN TRIATHLON. ENTER EARLY AND SAVE. CONTACT MVA OR BONER
7th ANNUAL, P.THOMAS, PICARRO MEMORIAL RUN, THE SILVER STREAK, JUNE 17,2000. CONTACT THE TYRANT
WE MEET AT 4:00 P.M. (until SEPTEMBER 23)
WANT TO SURF THE HASH NET. TRY WWW.HUFFYPUFFY.COM

RUN # 805 THE “” RUN
HARES: CHICKEN LIL DICK & HAJ FLOORSHOW
BOX: KAGMAN 4 SUMP
ON HOME: TANK BEACH
CASUALTIES: BEAN DADS RENTACAR
RUN RATING: ***
DLMM RATING: .5 (RBT ALMOST)

A whole bunch of hounds showed up at the BOG parking lot including about 12 hashers from Guam, who had run on Tinian the night before. The box was announced as the hole in the ground at the end of the old Kagman airstrip. The assembled headed to the box and parked along the side of the road and everyone went into the hole. This area, on the map, is known as Chacha, but colloquially as Kagman IV. There were two sets special instructions. The first was that there would be toilet paper on the trail and some of the bag from the flour, and Chicken Lil’ Dick also said that when you get to the Box Canyon, USE THE POLE. The second set was that there would be 2 water stops and once you got to the 2nd one you would be close to the On Home. Oddly enough (although is not so odd to anyone knowing the hares) there were no FNG’s so the Tyrant kept real quiet. At the end of the 10-minute head start the pack was up out of the hole and immediately checked right. The Tyrant, stupid as usual but light years ahead of his time ran in the opposite direction towards the road to Tank Beach (which turned out to be the On Home) but turned around after finding no trail AND hearing the pack shout “CHECKING” in the opposite direction. The trail ran a little way up the main road, past a sign which read “SANTOS WEDDING” and then checked left into the unpaved streets of an aging homestead. After about ¼ mike a checking left took the pack into some beautiful limestone forest and many crags and crevices, which many of us have not seen before. The trail began to meander into what is known as Laderan Hagman. This area was vine city, and these were not the kinds of vines you can push your way through. These are the kind that are like skinny bamboo poles and have to be maneuvered around the body. The trail also traced a path around and behind some vertical cliffs on the left which soon led to the Box Canyon of the hares instructions. Most people went down into the canyon but the Tyrant looked for an easy way out. He found another way around, but it was not so easy (more of the impenetrable vines). Soon the trail started to go downhill and then it popped out of the jungle on to a flat area where the first water stop was. Most of the pack checked to the right (although forward was also marked and there was ON BACK to the left). When the Tyrant asked HIV’er Useless if he was on trail, the reply was that Useless was following the people in front of him (BAAHHHHHH). So the Tyrant commanded Pinoccular to reconnoiter directly forward of the water stop and within 50 yards found more trail. The checked was changed to the left, the On Back obliterated, and within 30 seconds, the 2nd water stop was found. Obviously there was something wrong, but Mr. Happy Pockets, Pinnocular, and the Tyrant followed the trail out to the main roads, looped around the lower part of Kagman IV, and then got on the Tank Beach (Unai Halaihai) road and down to the On Home. And were they surprised when they found out they were the first hounds in. The true trail it seemed did check out to Puntan Laulau Katan (of the Creosote Log Fame) and then looped back on to the road where the second water stop was. This was rather fortuitous because it caused the walkie talkies to miss the last part of the run (but also not get stuck in the jungle after dark). Eventually all the hounds came in and then a small vehicle run was done. Bean Dad got his car stuck in soft sand and it had to be lifted out (as well as a local guy up the beach). Religion was finally piped up and the hares called forward. Next the visiting hashers came up, and were rather mild. RBT got up and no one had to ask how she got her name. Next there were some mild courtesies and then Religion deteriorated to a level so low I had to write an editorial about it. In fact it got so bad half of the Guamaniacs left in the middle of Religion. Finally the area was policed, Swing Low was sung, and the assembled headed off of the beach. It was suggested that the group go to Culture Café and if not there, to Mom’s Round Two. The Tyrant of course went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

MISMANAGEMENT
TYRANT/GM: HAJ, F.KRAMDEN, SIR!!
RA: HAJJI PEE WEE
AAAARA: DOG LEG
FIRE MASTER: PINOCULAR
D.L.MMMM TECHNICIAN: DOGLEG
HASH CASH: CIEGA
TRAIL MASTER: HAJJI PEEWEE
HASH SCRIBE: TOM SIRICK

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan.
U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
807   5/6/00      ABBOT & COSTELLO ANNIVERSARY
808   5/13/00    GRAB ASS
809   5/20/00    MARQUESA DE SADE
810   5/27/00    THE LONE RANGER
811   6/3/00      FLAPPING LIPS
812   6/10/00    LUNCH LADY
813   6/17/00    MR. HAPPY POCKETS
833   11/4/00 CLAYMORE AND THE BANKERS
                              CIRCLE JERK
840 12/23/00 CLAYMORE THE XMAS HASH
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO BE A HARE, CONTACT CIEGA. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE.
BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
I don’t know if it was me this weekend or if we were all just brain dead or intimidated by the Agony Hashers. But Releigion was ultra-lame. And then Blow-Job dumped the jokes on us and it deteriorated even more. Maybe we are all getting to old to hash. So I am sending out a challenge to all of you hashers. At next weeks hash, which will be the anniversary run of Abbot and Costello, I want everyone to bring an ethnic joke. It can be either about Jews, Italians, or White Bread Honkies (which is what Abbott was). These jokes will be told at Religion as a circle joke. So do not say you have not been warned.

RUN # 804 THE “BETTER THAN LAST WEEK!” RUN
HARES: HAJ CLAYMORE, MR. HAPPY POCKETS, & HAJ. F.KRAMDEN, SIR!
BOX: MUNITIONS BUNKER, ISELY FIELD
ON HOME: UNAI DANGKULO (C.O.P.)
CASUALTIES: NO ONE
RUN RATING: ****
DLMM RATING: 0000000000

A gaggle of hounds showed up at the BOG to see all the sailors who never showed up. Although there were two seamen, long missing Shlong Thong and Captain Gary of the Titus. There was also visiting Hasher Armadildo who is a naval aviator. Tammy Why Not showed up at the box. However, those in the know also knew that Claymore was going to try and redeem himself (again!!!) but this time he would be held in check by the Tyrant and Happy Pockets. Anyway, the box was announced and the assembled headed south. Once parked in front of the Cuntinental Air Freight building, the pack took a 3-minute walk along the fence line to the box. The airport police accosted Ciega, who was watching the backpacks until the driver came back, because they had a report that strange people were running around the airport and said that next time we should let them know ahead of time. At the box all of the real hashers quietly moved past the huge beehive in the door while the wimps and faggots waited outside. The hares gave special instructions (which were meaningless except to Pinnocular who, despite his hearing deficiencies was the only person who heard them) and Pinnocular almost screwed up the entire run. In the absence of the Tyrant, Hajji Pee Wee ‘splained the instructions to the lone FNG. This was Gary the captain of the M.V. Tightass. After the 10-minute head start the pack was off. The trail went out and to the right of the bunker and then behind the bunker. The trail continued on the dirt road and then checked toward the airport fence. The trail ran for about 200 feet, and then checked back on to the hard stands and then headed west towards Dan Dan village. The trail continued on the hardstands and eventually came on to a checking at the main control tower road. The trail went across this road and then headed back into the hard stands again and finally came to the end of the road where a new water well was. An arrow here took the pack left to another arrow which took the pack on to the Dan Dan road. It was here that the colored on on’s that Claymore talked about was seen as an On Back by Pinnocular. A cluster fuck ensued while everyone went looking for trail. Alslimers Beerhead and Jordass found true trail and Pinnocular swore that it was not there before. The trail continued south past the “Adios Come Again” sign and headed on the road behind Red Cross. The trail went straight along this road until an arrow took the pack onto the grounds of the unfinished Korean Hotel. The trail went down the driveway and on to the access road, past the stunned security guards, and then on to the As Perdido road. Dogleg checked right and ended up flying through Klobberville and then to COP. Everyone else stayed on trail. The trail checked again at Asslickers favorite pick up joint, the D.O.L.I. detention center. The trail ran down a dirt road, past some private farms, and a whole herd of cows. The trial then popped out right across the road from the airport runway lights. A checking here took the pack towards the beach access road down to the old Japanese bunker on the beach. Hajji Peewee jumped the fence by the tennis courts and ran in along the beach. Most of the hounds were in before dark and got to see one of those FABULOUSLY long 2-second green flashes. Even skeptic Happy Pockets saw it this time.

All of the hounds got in and Lisa got Ladroned. Once a vehicle run was done, Pinnocular started a nice little fire and then Religion was piped to order. The hares were called forward first and talked about what a great run it was. Visiting Hasher Armadildo (from the Samurai Hash) came forward, and then the FNG was brought up. Next courtesies were called for and there were a few snide remarks made about the run, but no one got lost or was in after dark. Some people admitted it was not as bad as last weeks run. There were lots of down down’s done, mainly to use up all the beer in the keg, and many jokes were told. Eventually, the vessel was retired, the area policed, Swing Low sung, and everyone went to Culture Café to wish Flapping Lips a happy birthday. The Tyrant of course, went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

MISMANAGEMENT
TYRANT/GM: HAJ, F.KRAMDEN, SIR!!
RA: HAJJI PEE WEE
AAAARA: DOG LEG
FIRE MASTER: PINOCULAR
D.L.MMMM TECHNICIAN: DOGLEG
HASH CASH: CIEGA
TRAIL MASTER: HAJJI PEEWEE
HASH SCRIBE: RHETT BUTTOCKS
The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
806   4/29/00    W.E.B. & APENDEJO
807   5/6/00      ABBOT & COSTELLO ANNIVERSARY
808   5/13/00    GRAB ASS
809   5/20/00    MARQUESA DE SADE
810   5/27/00    THE LONE RANGER
811   6/3/00      FLAPPING LIPS
812   6/10/00    LUNCH LADY
813   6/17/00    MR. HAPPY POCKETS
833   11/4/00 CLAYMORE AND THE BANKERS
                              CIRCLE JERK
840 12/23/00 CLAYMORE THE XMAS HASH
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO BE A HARE, CONTACT CIEGA. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE.
BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
I can’t remember who said it, but the best-laid plans of mice and men, are sometimes gang arye. So it was with the logistics of this week’s run. There were plenty of snacks, a keg of beer, and hash women we have not seen in years, all in anticipation of the 60 or so squids from the U.SS. John McCain. And all we got was one sailor from the O’Brien. Well, he was a real hasher by the name of Armadildo so he knew where he was supposed to be on Saipan on Saturday afternoon.
But the beer was put to good use, the run was ok, and everyone had a good time around the fire. THAT is what life is all about. And to top it off, we got good news about Laprobe. In the words of that old song…”Who could ask for anything more.”

RUN # 803 THE “2 OZ. BAG OF FLOUR?” RUN
HARES: DRY HOLE & BOOB BRANCH
BOX: AMERICAN RED CROSS BUNKER,AS LITO
ON HOME: AFETNA BEACH
CASUALTIES: MR. HAPPY POCKETS
RUN RATING: **
DLMM RATING: 0000000000

About 40 hounds showed up at the BOG to what would turn out to be one of those runs that makes the worst run you’ve ever done look good. We also saw the return of Shadow Snatch and of Ass Licker (and even ran past the place where he keeps his future girl friends). The hares announced the box, the American Red Cross bunker near the airport and the assembled headed there. Once in the box (which was IN the bunker), the hares gave special instructions (orange tape which no one ever saw) and told us that the beer truck driver would lock the building when we left. There were no FNG’s so the hounds started going through the cast off clothes that were left on tables and Chicken Lil Dick got a stunning pink ensemble which I hope he wears to the lingerie run next year. After the 10-minute head start, the pack was off to the road behind the bunker towards the unfinished Korean hotel. A checking here broke the pack up but the trail headed north to the back road to Saipan International School. Straight down this dirt road to an elbow in the road where a pack of semi-feral dogs barked at everyone except Acute Angina, who actually got a little tooth mark on her leg from one of the pets. The trail looped around to the right, past the SIS, and then checked on the As Lito road. It was here that we began to discover that they really do sell 2 OZ. Bags of flour in Saipan. After the checking, there were minute traces of flour every 100 o 200 feet, but these had to be tongue sampled in order to verify that it was actually flour. So between the SIS intersection and the Fina Sisu turn off, there were 2 on on’s and then a checking. Most of the pack took off toward the Fina Sisu Piggery and eventually wound around to the Fina Sisu road (and true trail) and then down into the bowels of Chalan Kanoa. However, Double Entry, Claymore, Lone Ranger, and Kramden headed out towards the As Terlaje road. Kramden checked left at Fina Sisu and eventually found on ons. Double Entry and Lone Ranger came back and they all ran down the hill. Continuing on this urban Dickhead run, the trail went past the post office and then checked left on Beach Road. An arrow near Chalan Piao, took the pack behind Subway, past 2 Korean hotels, and then outs past the Chalan Kanoa Beach Club. The trail then went back on to Beach Road. We found more traces of flour here, on the road, at the mercy of the heavy traffic. Eventually the trail ended on the beach just south of the P.I.C. The hares started to take shit from the first people to get to the On Home and continued to take shit all through Religion. It was well deserved, but as the Tyrant reminded everyone, at least they set trail. Once all of the stragglers was in, the Tyrant piped up Religion and the hares were called forward. Next there were many people who came up to dump on the run, the lack of flour, the distance between on ons, etc., ad infinitum. Some jokes were told and then the area was policed. Swing Low was sung and then most people went to Culture Café. The Tyrant of course went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
805   4/22/00    HAJ FLOORSHOW
806   4/29/00    W.E.B. & APENDEJO
807   5/6/00      ABBOT & COSTELLO ANNIVERSARY
808   5/13/00    GRAB ASS
809   5/20/00    MARQUESA DE SADE
810   5/27/00    THE LONE RANGER
811   6/3/00      FLAPPING LIPS
812   6/10/00    LUNCH LADY
813   6/17/00    MR. HAPPY POCKETS
833   11/4/00 CLAYMORE AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
840 12/23/00 CLAYMORE THE XMAS HASH
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO BE A HARE, CONTACT CIEGA. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
My father used to tell me, a friend in need,… is a tool. Well, I never much cared for that sentiment and I still don’t. But we here on the hash have an opportunity to help a friend in need. Our Dear Laprobe (as you all know) has been in Hawaii getting treated for her heart problems. Well, when she gets back from Hawaii she is going to have another problem. She will not be able to work for a while. She needs your help. Why us? Because, like many of us here on Saipan, she has no family. Except those of you who, like me, are linked by the fellowship that we call the Saipan Hash House Harriers. She needs any financial support that you can give her. Dig deep friends, you may be on the receiving end of this type of gift some day. Contact Ciega or Jordass. HELP TO FIX THE FOSSIL. Stop thinking about yourself and think about someone else for a change.

RUN # 802 THE “ HEY, YOU, GET OFFA MY GROUND!” RUN
HARES: HAJJI PEEWEE & M&M MAN
BOX: OLD REV & TAX H20 TANK.
ON HOME: NAVY HILL LIGHTHOUSE
CASUALTIES: CONG. JESS ATTAOS EGO
RUN RATING: ***
DLMM RATING: XXXXXX

A minute crowd of 12 hashers showed up to run no one knew what. Beerhead walked into the parking lot and said where the Box was (the water tank behind the old Rev & Tax building) on Capitol Hill. The hares would meet us there. So the Tyrant did Ciega’s job and collected the money. Then everyone went up to the box and waited for the hares. And waited. And waited. It seems that they did not start scouting trail until 30 minutes before. Once they arrived, the box was made in the back of the water tank and then the hares took off. There were no FNG’s so it was a pretty quiet box. As the time ran out the pack took off to the first checking, which was right at the intersection of the main road. Some went left and some went right. The true trail went up the hill past the Coco Resort. At the road that leads to Bob Florian’s, the road checked right. This road went to the top of the concrete slab road and then another checking took the pack down the pad. At the bottom, another checking took the pack onto a formerly overgrown boonie road, which was now wide open due to clearing by the Mayors Office. There were parts of the road, which had coral, and parts, which did not. As the pack headed up the trail, they passed the vehicle mentioned in the editorial. Little did we know that this would be the last time we would ever legally run on this trail. There were checkings all over the place and eventually the trail went off into a newly carved surveyors track. Down this trail, which eventually popped out on a farm, which going forward is also forbidden ground. We continued on this road for a while and then into the boonies again. It was here that we found a wonderful little ravine that meandered along the hillside. Soon we came to an awesome bamboo grove. We continued on this little creek bed until we came out on the bee farm, which belongs to Camacho and Sons. Chicken Lil Dick was kind enough to shout very loudly when he went through the hives and tried to rile-up the bees. Fortunately for those behind us it did not work. Out on to the upper Navy Hill Road. Down the road past Frank Camacho who was sitting outside his house. Down the road, all the way to the road to Maturana House of Prayer. It was here that the Tyrant ‘splained why we should never finish there (because of the time we ran through there during a huge world wide convocation). We ran past the convent entrance and over to the Navy Hill lighthouse. Once all the hounds were in (including mega flyer Arachnophiliac), the fire was started and religion begun. The hares were called forward and Hajee Peewee explained how this run came about. Co-hare M&M man explained all the puss filled wounds on his body (Rugby in Manila). Many courtesies were done to this excellent run which once again The Master of Trail, the Trail Master, the Hajee Peewee pulled out of his butt. This was followed by tales from the trail. Soon, the recuperating Laprobe came up and thanked everyone for their prayers, visits, encouragement, and for thinking about her in her time of need. She also warned all the smokers to stop smoking. The area was policed, Swing Low was sung, and everyone went to the On On On. The Tyrant of course went home.

MISMANAGEMENT
TYRANT/GM: HAJ, F.KRAMDEN, SIR!!
RA: HAJJI PEE WEE
AAAARA: HAJ HUFFY PUFFY
FIRE MASTER: PINOCULAR
D.L.MMMM TECHNICIAN: DOGLEG
HASH CASH: CIEGA
TRAIL MASTER: HAJJI PEEWEE
HASH SCRIBE: ROCKET GIBRALTER
The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
804   4/15/00    CLAYMORE & HAPPY POCKETS - SHIRTS WILL BE AVAILABLE
805   4/22/00    HAJ FLOORSHOW
806   4/29/00    W.E.B. & APENDEJO
807   5/6/00      ABBOT & COSTELLO ANNIVERSARY
808   5/13/00    GRAB ASS
809   5/20/00    MARQUESA DE SADE
810   5/27/00    THE LONE RANGER
811   6/3/00      FLAPPING LIPS
812   6/10/00    LUNCH LADY
813   6/17/00    MR. HAPPY POCKETS
833   11/4/00 CLAYMORE AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
840 12/23/00 CLAYMORE THE XMAS HASH
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO BE A HARE, CONTACT CIEGA. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE.
BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
After a great hash this weekend, I received a call from the Honorable Congressman Jesus Attao. He was the gentleman on the newly bulldozed and partially paved road in the White Pathfinder (with the “CONGRESSMAN” license plates) that we passed when we were on trail. Anyway, he called to say that he thought it was disrespectful of the hash to go on his property. He also said that he was going to put up “PRIVATE PROPERTY” signs and to keep out. I asked if there was someone we should call if we wanted to run through his property. He said, no, just keep out. I said that I would pass the word. Maybe he was mad because I called him Max (his late brother) on the trail instead of Jesus. Who knows? But I do know this. It is the beginning of the end for the hash as we know it. Next thing you know they will be putting up bounties on hashers, or non-locals in general. Just remember when setting trail to stay away from the area behind Coco Resort. And don’t call me to try and get permission. Anyway, if you are a U.S. citizen, register to vote. You can make a difference. If you need to know which way to vote, or for whom, contact the Tyrant or Ciega.

RUN # 801 THE “SURPRISE, SURPRISE
SURPRISE!” RUN
HARES: CLAYMORE & TAMARA
BOX: DIV. OF LAND MGT.
ON HOME: TANAPAG BEACH
CASUALTIES: KRAMDEN, CIEGA
RUN RATING: **
DLMM RATING: 8

14 hounds, including the long missing The Balloon Guy showed up at the Bank of Guam (everyone else was smart or went to Tinian) to run what turned out to be exactly what everyone expected it to be. A huge clusterfuck in and around Capitol Hill, a maze of hidden on on’s, and wet toilet paper on on’s that looked like all the other trash on the side of the road, and then a crawl down a tunnel right after sunset. Claymore announced the box and the pack was off. Once there the hares made a box in the shade but failed to put flour on a ladder that was in the box and also on the roof of the building. The Balloon Guy made hats for those that wanted them. After the hares left, the Tyrant went to pee and Navy Haired Pimple Ass, Ciega, and Haj Floorshow went on the roof to see which way the hares went. Once out of the box (after the 10 minute head start), the pack was off and down towards Chez Cecil and Rajneesh. No one wanted to run down the hill so the pack stood around, thumbs in butts, waiting for the FRB’s to come back. Nada. So the pack headed down towards Cross Island road and another checking. No one wanted to go towards the pack of wild dogs so we checked left towards the Governors Office. We picked up trail here and ran across the Legislature parking lot, across the Administrations Parking lot, and then on across the baseball field. Ciega went behind the basket ball court (but not far enough to see the hidden on on. So the pack went back to the Esco’s Road and Beerhead ran down a ways and found nothing. Back to towards the Post Office, across the Baseball field (where the Balloon Guy made a hat for a kid) and then Haj Floorshow found the missed check. This trail went back behind houses which lie to the rear of the Administration building and Capitol Hill housing. Eventually the trail came out on the Wireless Road near the old Bankers compound. The trail then went back out to Capitol Hill Housing, another Clusterfuck, which eventually led down the back road and then back to the OTHER side of the Wireless hill road. The trail then went out towards the Magellan Club, past the Cemetery and then ON BACK. Finally, the pack got back together and found the trail going down a long lost access road and then on to some farm land and just as the sun was setting, the FRB’s found the trail into the Ravine. AS the sun set, the ravine got darker and more slippery. I swear that the only way to go down the ravine was bent over like an old man (or Woman as the case may be). Eventually, the trail popped out on a flood control project and ponding basin. From here it was a light jaunt down the road, behind some garment factories, and then on to Wallace Highway where the hare (with drinks) was waiting to give the final directions to the pack. The Tyrant moved the On Home to the barbecue pit near the pavilion to avoid having the Fire Department called again (like the last time we finished here). Once everyone was in Religion was Piped to order. Haj Floorshow filled in as the RA and then the hares were called forward. Once this was done everyone, except the Tyrant dumped on the run and the hares. The reasons were many, but the Tyrant stood up and said, “You all knew who was setting the run and you KNOW HOW HE IS!!!!” So quit your bitching. As everyone came up to complain the Tyrant tried to get the crowd to sing like Tampon had the week before, but I guess I just don’t have the Charasma that he has. Some jokes were told; Mary (The studded tongue from Guam) became Typhoid Mary (from Typhoon) after beating Ciega within and inch of her life while storming through the jungle. Kim became Cumalot for reasons the Tyrant still does not understand. Eventually swing low was sung, the area was policed, the assembled headed to Round Two and the Tyrant of course went home.
HASHING AROUND THE WORLD.

RECEDING HARE LINE
803   4/8/00      BOOBRANCH & BLOWHOLE
804   4/15/00    CLAYMORE
805   4/22/00    HAJ FLOORSHOW
806   4/29/00    W.E.B. & APENDEJO
807   5/6/00      ABBOT & COSTELLO ANNIVERSARY
808   5/13/00    GRAB ASS
809   5/20/00    MARQUESA DE SADE
810   5/27/00    THE LONE RANGER
811   6/3/00      FLAPPING LIPS
812   6/10/00    LUNCH LADY
813   6/17/00    MR. HAPPY POCKETS
833   11/4/00 CLAYMORE AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
840 12/23/00 CLAYMORE THE XMAS HASH
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO BE A HARE, CONTACT CIEGA. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
When you are young and full of piss and vinegar, you know that you will live forever. You go through life as if you will never die. Even myself, as young and vigorous as I think I am sometimes find myself thinking to myself (when running a hash like the one we just suffered through,) “I am too old for this shit!” When you get a little bit older you begin to face your own mortality and the closer we get to the grim reaper the more you think that there has to be a reason for your existence on this ball in space. This is when most people find a power greater than themselves. Some people call that power God. Some call that power Allah. Others call it Buddha or Hare Krishna, or whatever. If you believe in any of those higher powers, please pray to that Being. Pray for the quick recovery and rehabilitation of our beloved Lap Robe. From personal experience I can tell you that prayer works. I may not get what I want, but I always get what I need. Someday you may need a prayer for yourself. Pay your insurance.

HASH BULLETIN BOARD
MAY 20,2000, TAGAMAN TRIATHLON. ENTER EARLY AND SAVE. CONTACT MVA OR BONER
7th ANNUAL, P.THOMAS, PICARRO MEMORIAL RUN, THE SILVER STREAK, JUNE 17,2000. CONTACT THE TYRANT
WE MEET AT 4:00 P.M. (until OCTOBER)
WANT TO SURF THE HASH NET. TRY WWW.HUFFYPUFFY.COM
REMEMBER, ON MARCH 25, 2000 WE WILL MEET AT 4:00 P.M.

RUN # 800 THE “MOTHER OF ALL
CIRCLE JERKS” RUN
HARES: HAJJI PEEWEE, DOG LEG, & ACUTE ANGINA
BOX: LYNN KNIGHTS BACK YARD, WIRELESS ROAD
ON HOME: MAGELLAN CLUB
CASUALTIES: MR. & MRS. CAPT GEORGE
RUN RATING: ***
DLMM RATING: 5

86 hounds showed up at the BOG for the 800TH running of the Saipan Hash House Harriers including visiting Guamaniacs TE Haj Rip Van Wanker, Piperider, Bloody Dog Balls, Dr. Dolittle, and Reservoir Tips. We also got to see the return of Mr. Huge, Jen, Orasa, Dry Spot, Hash Dash and Tina, and many people to numerous to mention. The crowd milled around waiting for the instructions to the box and the Agony hashers whined about no beer while the Saipanoids socialized as usual. Eventually the box was announced and the assembled headed up towards Capitol Hill and the box in the back yard of the Queen of the Chamber of Commerce. Once everyone was in the box, photos were taken of the rabble and then the hares gave special instructions (“B” STANDS FOR BEES) and were off. The Tyrant ‘splained the instructions to the 4 (or 5) FNG’s and then the crowd waited for the end of the 10-minute head start. The pack was then immediately off and up the hill to Wireless Road where the bulk of the pack checked right. This was the last time anyone saw Piperider or Leave It until well after dark. Indiana Jones, THINKING instead of following trail ran straight to Ciega’s house (where the beer was delivered earlier in the day) thinking that was the On Home (NOT!NOT!NOT!). True trail ran along Wireless and out to Mount Su Su. At the base of the mountain the trail checked right again and headed along the south face and then down into the area we all know as Talofofo. From here it was down into one ravine after another, down one ravine, and up the other side. This continued numerous times and eventually we got down into the Talofofo River. The Tyrant, his usually (after several broken bones and stitches) slow self, was ridiculed by the Amazon Resevoir, full of Tyrant Penis Envy, with Brass balls of her own. But he continued at his slow place and arrived at the Bee Cave not long after her. Here many people did not go into the cave and climbed down the face of the cliff next to the cave. These were the people who really pissed off the bees. Those after them fell into a huge swarm of the little buggers and many were stung. The trail continued down a little ways and then began the slow climb up one of the major gulleys of the Talofofo complex and then popped out on a hill we all passed not 1 minute out of the box. From here it was a straight shot out to Magellan, the T-shirts, the Pool, and the On Home. Although it was a relatively well-marked trail, there were those who got stuck in the jungle after dark and were not seen until well religion was already started. But to soothe the savage beasts that hounds can be, the Tyrant piped up religion and, as there were no hares, (or RA’s) called Rip Van Wanker to fill in for Hajji Peewee. The Tyrant then called forward the visiting hashers. Everyone talked about how bad the 777th was and how refreshing this run was. Once this part was done the FNG’s were called forward and although we tried very hard, there were no tits shown this night. Thereafter followed the forced and strained singing of the Guamaniacs (when in Rome, do as the Romans, not vice versa) but since Chicken Lil Dick liked the singing so much, he was appointed Choirmaster By Ciega (good luck). RT commented on there not being so many sun dresses as on the 777th so Hurl Necklace immediately got into something a little more comfortable and sashayed all around the pool. Many courtesies were done and the crowd got more vicious. The Beer Elite got pissed off when people were taking their beer and these people got pissed off when they were rebuffed. Eventually at least Pipe Rider and Leave It came in and the Tyrant decided it was time to eat. So the hogs headed to the trough and this time Culture Café came to the On Home. (Kudos to Tammy Why Not and Tiny Tim). As people were eating, Bloody Dog Balls skinny dipped and then walked around naked. No one noticed. However, later on in the evening, Zoro decided that he could do the same. Lucky for him Queequeg went down with Ahab or he would have had a harpoon up his ass. The band this night was awesome for a local, 5 piece band. Good rock and roll music. There was some dancing, (Spock and Mrs. Spock got up and confirmed that fact that white people have no rhythm), (Blow job and Marquesa proved that they both dance to a different drum), and singing, (Kowpaddy decided he would make a cool lead singer). Dog Leg however abruptly cut his career short during Swing Low. The Tyrant had gone home hours before this but got the story that Bloody Dog Balls ran his car into a ditch on Capitol Hill Road, talked the cops out of a DUI, and even got them to drop him off at Ritzy’s. There goes one of 9 lives for the swabbie from Agana. And since everyone had pigged out on the Saipexican food, there was no need to go to the On On On.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

MISMANAGEMENT
TYRANT/GM: HAJ, F.KRAMDEN, SIR!!
RA: HAJJI PEE WEE
AAAARA: HAJ HUFFY PUFFY
FIRE MASTER: PINOCULAR
D.L.MMMM TECHNICIAN: DOGLEG
HASH CASH: CIEGA
TRAIL MASTER: HAJJI PEEWEE
HASH SCRIBE: KUNT ROCKNE
The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
802   4/1/00 M&M MAN
803   4/8/00 BOOBRANCH & BLOWHOLE
804   4/15/00    HAJ FLOORSHOW
805   4/22/00    CLAYMORE
806   4/29/00    PINNOCULAR & MR. HAPPY POCKETS
807   5/6/00      ABBOT & COSTELLO ANNIVERSARY
808   5/13/00    GRAB ASS
809   5/20/00    MARQUESA DE SADE
810   5/27/00    THE LONE RANGER
833   11/4/00 CLAYMORE AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
840 12/23/00 CLAYMORE THE XMAS HASH
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN UP TO BE A HARE, CONTACT CIEGA. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE.
BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
After the fiasco that was religion this week (oil and water/Saipanoids and Agonites), I pondered what went wrong. I thought about the diversity of the group and the different kinds of humor. And why what Kotex tried to do did not seem funny to me and how bored the Guamaniacs are with us. Then it dawned on me. Humor means different things to different people. The Guamaniacs are slapstick. We Saipanuvians are more subdued and wittier. Where they are the Marx Brothers, we are Jack Benny. …WELL! But if there is anyone who did not have a good time or did not enjoy the food that night, you could probably screw up a wet dream too! Honor to the 800th Running. And may we run 800 more.

HASH BULLETIN BOARD
SAIPAN RUNNERS CLUB APRIL 1 RUN. CONTACT THOM GIPSON AT SAFETY FIRST.
MAY 20,2000, TAGAMAN TRIATHLON. ENTER EARLY AND SAVE. CONTACT MVA OR BONER
WE MEET AT 4:00 P.M. (until OCTOBER)
WANT TO SURF THE HASH NET. TRY WWW.HUFFYPUFFY.COM
REMEMBER, ON MARCH 25, 2000 WE WILL MEET AT 4:00 P.M.

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