Hash Trashes 670

SAIPAN HASH TRASH
issues 670 - 679

RUN # 679: THE “MILLIONAIRE ACRES   GULLY ENEMA AND HELMET”   RUN
HARES: HAJ WHITE RICE AND ONE   HAND FULL
BOX: KANNAT GARDENS POOL SIDE
ON HOME: LAU LAU LOUNGE BEACH
CASUALTIES: THOSE WHO LISTEN TO THOSE WHO CALL ON BACK AT A   CHECKING
RATING: ***

35 hounds showed up at the BOG including former Saipan Hasher Sweaty Palms, her beau, and Love Canal from the Agony hash. Also returning Boat person Capt. George and Sir Edmund Hillary. Hare One Hand Full, (with his scalp surgically re-attached) was wearing his Hash Helmet to keep himself from losing his head this week. Once the box was announced, the group headed towards As Terlaje hill and the quarry road. In the box, the Tyrant ‘splained the instructions to Erin2, James2, Skip (What do you call a man with no arms and no legs towed behind a boat??) and (....on your door step????) Matt. After the customary 10 minute head start, the pack was off north into the valley that runs behind the complex. After about 3 minutes, someone yelled ON BACK! and the pack headed out towards the main road. The Tyrant almost made it back to Dan Dan before figuring out that some IDIOT had mis read the checking. The pack then ran back to the checking and headed up towards Morgens San Vicente Bluff. The trail meandered along a cliff line through some pretty harsh, semi cut forest. After much on trail off trail (Maybe One Hand Full should be re-named one thimble full) because of the lack of flour, the trail came out on the road just north of Morgens and the Stanford Court hotel. The trail from here was literally down hill to the back Island road. A checking at Nan Ocha’s store took the pack north again towards Fortress Millard and Facey Farms. The trail continued past the Lau Lau Beach turnoff and checked right at Millionaire Acres Road. The old Sugar Train railroad bed really got hammered by Joan and Keith. Lots of rock slides. At the end of the road (before you get into the private property of the rich and famous), an arrow led the pack down into the gully which used to be pretty tight and closed in. NOT ANY MORE. Joan and Keith reamed this gully a new asshole. As the trail continued down we came to a once proud stand of bamboo which was literally blown to the ground. There was still some water in the creek and a few minor waterfalls. The trail continued down and out to the Lau Lau road and then North until it reached the old Lau Lau lounge. A checking here took the pack south on the beach to a most beautiful On Home. Once the stragglers came in (and we as a group were fortunate that we did not have to go on the original trail idea which was up the first gully and then down) after dark, a vehicle run was done and this lasted for what seemed like days. However, having missed a hash, the Tyrant was in great joke telling form and kept the crowd wowed until everyone came back to the On Home and Religion was piped up. RA Hajji Peewee first called the Hares forward and they proceeded to blow smoke up each others butts. Next visiting hasher Love Canal came forward and was happy to be among the kinder and gentler. Peter. Dr. from the Honolulu (now Hong Kong) Hash came next. Oddly enough we had 2 Erins (1 guy and 1 dwebe serving wench), and 2 Jims (one computer nerd who surfed the Internet to get here, and one boat person), and an engineer (woo!! woo!!) named Skip
from the blue hull (MV Titus) off the coast. Since the Tyrant spent most of pre-religion telling jokes, there were not many, but the Ozzie Peter Dr. had a few. After courtesies and trip reports (to Palau) were done, the area was policed and Swing Low was sung. The assembled headed to the newest bar fly watering hole Figueroas and the Tyrant went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
681: 12/6 OPEN
682: 12/13 HUFFY PUFFY (13TH ANNIVERSARY RUN)
683: 12/20 HAJ WHITE RICE’S SWAN SONG (WITH PEEWEE)
695: 3/14/1998 ST. PATRICK’S DAY ARACHNIFLOORSEX
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
Nature is a powerful thing. We do not realize it unless we are stupid and go to Banzai Cliff in 150 mile an hour winds. Or surf the Sugar Channel in CK with 35 foot seas. Or you run through a ravine that has been completely washed out, it’s course changed, it’s bamboo grove trashed. A ravine that has become, in a word, unrecognizable. As I entered that ravine I imagined what it would have been like in the middle of the storm. Wave upon wave of water rushing down the gully, ripping out trees, crushing the storm drain that has been there for over 50 years, dragging long hidden war materiel from the top of the hill down to the ocean. Raw, unbridled power. That is what nature is all about, and on the hash, that is as close as you get without being a tree hugger.

HASH BULLETIN BOARD
HUFFY PUFFY WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE TO GET THEIR PHONE INFORMATION TO HIM BY NOVEMBER 8, 1997 IF YOU WANT TO BE INCLUDED.

RUN # 678: THE “THE ANNUAL BANKERS   ALMOST CIRCLE JERK” OR “FULL   MOON ON THE REAL HASH”   RUN
HARES: HAJJI PEEWEE & CIEGA
BOX: BANK OF HAWAII PUERTO RICO
ON HOME: CHEZ TORRES, CAPITOL HILL   ROAD
CASUALTIES: ONE HAND FULL, HUFFY PUFFY   AND FLOOR SHOW
RATING: ***
62 hounds showed up (late) at the BOG parking lot including 3 Agony hashers (Dr. Doolittle, Troller, and Ass Backwards) as well as long missing hashers Blow Job, Sin Huevos, Leave It’s Beaver, Mudsucker, Flamer, and St. Bernard. There were 2 FNG’s, Clubmate Lisa (N.W.A.T.P.I.C.) and Yuka Tamura. The box was announced as the Bank of Hawaii (naturally) and the assembled headed north. At the box (which was behind the BOH building) Haj White Rice explained the instructions to the FNG’s. After the traditional 10 minute head start, the pack headed out to the main road to a checking at the ANAKS entrance. The trail went up this road and then checked into the jungle before the entrance to the compound. The trail snaked up in the dark and came out on the Navy Hill back road. The trail checked north to the MPI road and then west to some apartments towards the water tank below Tony Pellegrino’s. If you looked carefully at this point you could see the On Home if you knew where you were going but most did not. Around the water tank and almost to Middle Road (where the Shell Station is) and then up to the Song Song family compound. And then out to the Mobil Station. An arrow here took the pack (except SCB’S Huffy and Floor Show who screwed up and had to do two trails), into the Sadog Tasi gully and then up the ravine, under the road, behind the Tasi Tours bus yard, past the Garment factory barracks where hash men got free shots from the Chinese girls, and then through the culvert (which was candle lit by the hares) It was here that One Hand Full decided to inspect the erosion from storm water. He gashed his head (almost decapitating himself) on rusty re-bar), and out on to Upper Sadog Tasi road. The trail checked right on the road and at Buffingtons road checked left into the Torres family compound. Through this past Don Barcinas house and on to the Capitol Hill road where a checking took smart hounds out to Wireless (NOT) and up to the entrance to the Old Nansay Road and then left into Former Congressman Stanley and Arlene Torres family compound. After the vehicle run was done (11 in a RAV), Haj White Rice and PEEWEE did the honors as RA and Tyrant respectively. Peewee tried to add something new to Religion but some things are better left unchanged. The Acting Tyrant did his Tyrant down down. The hares did their down downs and gave great honor to each other. Visiting hashers were called forward and the 2 FNGs did not screw up. There were cupcakes in honor of old man One Hand Full’s 35 birthday. During Religion some people got to sample the Fresh One Hand Full sashimi which was caught earlier that day on OHF birthday cruise. Haj White Rice sang with 12 other last loaders doing the circle blues rift. And the last last loaders gave new meaning to the old saying, “two’s company, three’s a menage a trois”.   Most people went to Figueroa’s (the Tyrant was already home).

HASHING AROUND THE WORLD.

1998
SEPTEMBER 25-27 HashAsia ‘98
PRE INTERHASH AT PATTAYA
e-mail kbh@iname.com
INTERHASH OCTOBER 2-4, 1998
IN KUALA LUMPUR MALAYSIA
THE 60TH ONNIVERSARY OF
THE MOTHER HASH
GO AND BECOME A HAJ

HASH HANDBOOKS ( A MUST FOR TRAVELING HASHERS) ARE ONCE AGAIN AVAILABLE FROM HASH CASH CIEGA. REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan.
U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)
RECEDING HARE LINE
680: 11/29 LEAVE IT (40 years old) & ROBERT CAMPBELL
681: 12/6 OPEN
682: 12/13 HUFFY PUFFY (13TH ANNIVERSARY RUN)
683: 12/20 HAJ WHITE RICE’S SWAN SONG (WITH PEEWEE)
695: 3/14/1998 ST. PATRICK’S DAY ARACHNIFLOORSEX
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
I am a man who is blessed. I have 4 children. (Two from a previous life and two from my current life). These 4 kids and my wife are my immediate family. This past Saturday I was attending a company function which awards tenure. I was the emcee (which is like being Tyrant only I get paid). As I surveyed the crowd, I could feel the smile creep onto my face. These people are my family too. I have known many of them for almost 20 years. While I write this, I think of my other family. The family I could not be with on this past Saturday night. My hash family. I have spent the better part of 13 years of Saturdays with you people. And although the faces and names change, it always seems to be the same kind of people that come on the hash. My kind of people. Hash kind of people. Yes I am truly blessed.
HASH BULLETIN BOARD
HUFFY PUFFY WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE TO GET THEIR PHONE INFORMATION TO HIM BY NOVEMBER 8, 1997 IF YOU WANT TO BE INCLUDED.
The Annual Turkey Trot (Lower Base to Toputchau) will be held on Thanksgiving Day at 6:00 a.m. Meet at 5:30 a.m. at the Lower Base Party Beach just north of Charlie Dock and Just South of C.U.C.

RUN # 677: THE “STUMBLING AROUND IN THE DARK” RUN
HARES: PUNJI BOY (SSSSCCCCOTTT!) & SUZUKI MOON
BOX: AS MATOOOY’S QUONSET
ON HOME: UNAI FANONCHULUYAN (BIRD ISLAND BEACH)
CASUALTIES: ANYONE HUMAN
RATING: ***

43 hounds showed up at the BOG parking lot to run what was billed as a LOOOOOONG run. No one (in their right mind) really thought that it would be as long as it was. We also saw the return of Tax Refugee “X”. However, after the box was announced as the last Quonset on Radar Road before you get to the radar station, the assembled headed North. Inside the Quonset box the hares gave special instructions (white surveyors tape {hanging limp dick vertical against the trees} would mark true trail) and the Tyrant ‘splained the instructions to 2 FNG’s Nicole and Sean from the P.I.C. (N.W.A.T.P.I.C.) and an Artsy Fartsy teacher from the Happy Asshole High School. We were surprised to see Intelligent graffiti on the back wall (see EDITORIAL). After the customary head start, FRB’s Hajjii Peewee, Haj White Rice, and One Hand Full ran past an On Back towards Laderan Tangke Trail and proceeded to catch the hares near Bird Island overlook. “X” and the Tyrant checked on the Little Burma Road to nothing and returned to the true trail which headed UP towards the Radar Station. A checking past the parking lot took the pack into a trail that led to the Laderan Kalaberan Lichan. This circled the base of the cliff on which the Radar Dish sits. This was slow and treacherous and there was much limestone forest and PUNJI stakes all around making movement difficult. The trail meandered up and down along the cliff line. The trail meandered down and up along the cliffline. Eventually after much meandering, the trail came out on a road which looked well traveled and had lots of smallish KEITHIFIED trees laying across it. To the amazement of at least me it turned out that we were at the Laderan Tangke Trail end. Just before entering the end of the trail, a checking took us into the boonies west around a huge KEITHIFIED tree and someone’s little Rancho Malario. The trail once again meandered up and down, and down and up, and at this point the sun was going down and it was getting dark and the limp dick surveyors tape was impossible to see laying vertically against the tree trunks. Fortunately for the Tyrant and Jeeun, Laprobe had a flashlight and we eventually made our way to within about 150 yards of the road where Zorro and Kelly Girl talked us out through the bush. Here a waiting mercy truck told us where the On Home was and the Tyrant ran the rest of the way. Of course, those in front got to go all the way to the Grotto Road, check right, and then check right again into the jungle and then into a ravine which runs along the northern end of the beach. At the trail head, I was amazed to actually see the beach below (the jungle had been KEITHIFIED) and was even more surprised when I got to the bottom to see just how much the beach had grown since I had been there in September. Do Not Fool With Mother Nature! Haj White Rice got a great organic fire going from all the drift wood and destroyed trees (no need for pallets). The Tyrant lost his voice but like the trooper that he is continued. After all the vehicle runs were done and ALL the stragglers got back and the pukers and weenies weaseled out of Religion, the Tyrant piped it up. Prior to this “X”, worried about having to carry the coolers up full of beer, got a crowd together to do “Shotguns” with the beer. The Tyrant warned them (from personal experience) about lost brain cells but they continued. The hares were called forward and PUNJI Boy explained how he would have been OK if Suzuki Moon had not Squealed Like a Pig when she heard FRB’s Hajji Peewee and Haj White Rice breathing down their necks. Haj White Rice showed us the rags that were PUNJI Boys shorts and tossed them on the fire. The FNG’s were called forward and did nothing dumb. Many courtesies were done to the run. Suzuki Moon (after more shotguns) got up and took her shorts off (because at least one of the FRB’s had been there, done that) since when caught she was spared. (Red Silk??? On the HASH!!?) Floor Show got up to do a trip report and talked about Dickchair being a Hobo for Halloween which reminded the Tyrant of a story. After most of the beer was drunk, SSSSCCCOTTTTT!!! was christened PUNJI Boy. The vessel was retired, Swing Low was sung, and the group headed up the trail. The whining about the cuts and scrapes at Rudy’s was of biblical proportions. The Tyrant of course, went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
680: 11/29 KOW PADDY & BOB CAMPBELL
681: 12/6 OPEN
682: 12/13 OPEN
683: 12/20 HAJ WHITE RICE’S SWAN SONG
694: 3/14/1998 ST. PAT’S MORE SEX & ARACHNOPHILIAC
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
“I’m am become death, destroyer of worlds.”
These words were written on the back wall of the box. They were spoken by J. Robert Oppenheimer on July 16, 1945 in the New Mexico desert, after he had witnessed the detonation of the first Atomic Bomb. He was a great fan of Indian literature. It is all part of the circle of life that we belong to. The graffiti was written on a wall of something that became obsolete when 2 other bombs from our sister island of Tinian were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. You, lads and lasses, whether you know it or not, are surrounded by history. By knowing me you know someone who has seen the Beatles 2 times. Probably before many of you were born. So I am a relic. But I can still hash with the best of them. I am really concerned about the length of the receding hareline. December 13 will be the hash closest to the 13th Anniversary of the Saipan Hash. Come on Allslimers, get with it.

HASH BULLETIN BOARD
HUFFY PUFFY WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE TO GET THEIR PHONE INFORMATION TO HIM BY NOVEMBER 8, 1997 IF YOU WANT TO BE INCLUDED.

The Annual Turkey Trot (Lower Base to Toputchau) will be held on Thanksgiving Day at 6:00 a.m. Meet at 5:30 a.m. at the Lower Base Party Beach just north of Charlie Dock and Just South of C.U.C.

RUN # 676: THE “THREE STOOGES ON INDECISON 97” RUN
HARES: ONE HAND FULL, DOG LEG, SHEEP THRILLS.
BOX: CHEZ ONE HAND FULL
ON HOME: UNAI DIKIKE (C.O.P. BEACH)
CASUALTIES: ANYONE ON TRUE TRAIL
RATING: *.5,*,.5

54 hounds showed up at the BOG parking lot to be jerked around and abused by the hares. One visiting Agony Hasher Emily Poste and 3 FNG’s were also there. The box was announced and then the assembled headed to the Dandan A Frame of One Hand Full. The box was on the front yard. Each of the hares had their campaign signs and planted them as they left the box. The Tyrant ‘splained the instructions to the 3 FNG’s (who Norma made come...ALL OF THEM). Once the 10 minute head start was over the pack was off in three directions. I will begin with the Circle Jerk since that is the trail I went on. I followed PeeWee and the other Stud Muffins into the jungles east of the homestead area. The trail meandered, zigged, zagged, crept, through the jungle and just as we got in about 2 minutes, it started to rain. So the poorly marked trail got even more poorly marked and at each On On my group had to search in every direction to find the right way to go. So the trail continued to meander, zig, and zag through the jungle until we came to a small cliff that led down to a secluded beach. Then we had to walk around coral out croppings in 25 foot seas to get to the next secluded beach and then another walk in the 35 foot seas to get to another beach which took us up through a trail which came out on one of the Dandan side streets. This road led to the main Dandan road so we knew that we were on The Circle Jerk. Once we got to the road we ran out of flour but knew where the trail was headed so we ran back to Chez One Hand Full. However, before we got there we ran into to Septic Yank and the Agony Hasher Emily Poste who had been there, done that, and were headed to C.O.P. Emily Poste complaining all the way about “You Guys sure Chariot ride alot” and how Berserk Berk is his idol. So we rode to the On Home with them. The other two trails were pavement pounders to Obyan (the On Back) and to C.O.P., the true trail. This trail went along the western fence line. At the fire the checking had been washed away so the pack went back to the fence line and back to the box thinking that THIS was the Circle Jerk. Spock gave this crowd a ride to C.O.P. Hajjii Peewee did the Circle Jerk, then he ran to Obyan, and then he flew to C.O.P. so he and some others did ALL three runs so that makes them a better man then me. There were still a few stragglers and Huffy Puffy was the last in. A fire was started and vehicle runs were done and finally it was time for Religion. The Tyrant piped it up and the Hares got up and said how happy they were to screw with the hounds and that was what politics and elections was all about. The three FNG’s. Celia, Larry, and Rodel got up and did their down downs without much fanfare, still wondering what the hell they were doing with all these haoles and what the hell were they talking about. Visiting Hasher Emily Poste slunk away without doing his VH down down. Courtesies were done to the runs which were the most heinous but they were all equally bad. Next after a few jokes and warming of the crowd, the campaigning for the 700th run was done. Hotbox got up first and made a lot of promises and gave out complimentary ties (to keep the foreskin down) from his HOTBOX. More Sex and Arachnophiliac using flip charts flipped off the crowd by telling the crowd what may or might happen, and then One Hand Full expounded on last weeks history and how horrible the run would be. Then an election was held, then a run off and the winners announced as One Hand Full and Beaver Trail. After this was done, Swing Low was sung, and everyone rushed home to beat the storm or to Rudy’s..

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
678: 11/15 THUMBELINA AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
680: 11/29 KOW PADDY & BOB CAMPBELL
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
I have been on many hashes in my time, but never one as senseless as the one we did this past weekend. Well, that is not exactly true. The great education run which was ORCHESTRATED by Dr. Proctor was a logistical nightmare involving 15 pickups and people dropped off at different parts of the island.....Or no maybe that was another run. I can usually remember runs, but now when they are nightmares like Indecision 97. The only good thing about the run (s) was the t-shirt, which has got to stand out as one of the all time greats. I just wish the picture of the Elephant and the Donkey was bigger. I remember the shows in Tiajuana where they had a lady and a mule, but never an elephant and a mule. Well, at least the circle jerk had alot of jungle and walking through the tidal waves was kind of exciting.

HASH BULLETIN BOARD
HUFFY PUFFY WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE TO GET THEIR PHONE INFORMATION TO HIM BY NOVEMBER 8, 1997 IF YOU WANT TO BE INCLUDED.
Run #678, the Annual Bankers Circle Jerk will be held in conduction with the Full Moon Run on November 15 so the crowd should meet at 5:00 p.m. at the Bank Of Guam. BRING FLASH LIGHTS
The Annual Turkey Trot (Lower Base to Toputchau) will be held on Thanksgiving Day at 6:00 a.m. Meet at 5:30 a.m. at the Lower Base Party Beach just north of Charlie Dock and Just South of C.U.C.

RUN # 675: THE “LEGEND OF SLIPPERY HOLLOW” RUN
HARES: HOT BOX & COSTELLO
BOX: TANAPAG CEMETERY
ON HOME: SAN ROQUE CEMETERY BEACH
CASUALTIES: TYRANTS ELBOW, SLOW POKES
JEEUN AND LAWRENCE
RATING: ***.5

An astounding 58 hounds showed up at the BOG parking lot, (and were later joined by Hajji Pee Wee, Acute Angina, and Haj White Rice) some in costume, some not, to run the hash. Campaigners Long and Hairy (One Hand Full and Beaver Trail) had their truck all set up with loudspeakers and were prematurely campaigning for the honor of being the Hares for Run # 700. Meep Meep and One Penis Full had signs for their candidates (Tammy Why Not for Tyrant? NOT!!!!!) As the hounds paid their contribution, Ciega also passed out small paper bags which would be used for Trick Or Treat later. The assembled were informed of the box and headed there straightway. At the box, the hares told us that the Jack Off Lantern mark meant that this was a place where treats would be given and the clues to the next checking would also be announced. The hares were off and the Tyrant ‘splained the instructions to 5 FNG’s including a P.I.C. Clubmate named Chris, (N.W.A.T.P.I.C.), Keren and Chris (he works at a real hotel) from Australia, Jeeun (who Boonie Bee made come), and a teacher from Hophead Jr. High. After the customary 10 minute head start, the pack was off on the road which runs parallel to Unai Tanapag. This continued into the bowels of the village to the first Jack Off Lantern where no one knew what we were talking about (at least when I got there). An arrow took us to the Tanapag Elementary school where a Jack O’Lantern on the door got us some treats from Meep Meep. She told us to go to the Mobil Station and that is where we found the check that took us to the northern edge of As Mahetok. We followed the trail until a check took us off to the right and then into the Northern reaches of Saddok Dogas. A dry creek bed soon turned into a watery river bed strewn with all sorts of old metal which looked like it had military origins. It was here that the Tyrant (at the first waterfall) almost amputated his arm at the elbow. Placing a glove over the wound and resting a moment, he stanched the blood and then continued on trail. The trail continued up several more waterfalls and then came out on the road where we originally started, just below the Big Blue that supplies water to Tanapag. A checking and water stop here took us left to Laderan Achugao. this brought us to the pig farm we usually come down into from Mt. Suu Suu. From here the trail continued down the dirt road to a mini checking into some sword grass. The trail skirted what looked like a huge putting green beneath the house that Lollipop’s built (or is building). It continued down a little cliffline and came out on a small rise overlooking someone’s back yard. A rope down and we were at Chez Abbott & Costello getting the last of the treats (which fell out of my soggy bag when it broke). The trail continued on the dirt road to the San Roque loop and out to the main road. North on Wallace highway and another arrow down towards the San Roque Cemetery and the beach beyond. After one vehicle run was done, a mercy truck was sent out and eventually (after about an hour) the last of the stragglers arrived. During this time, the Tyrant asked for any jokes about Halloween or any scary stories and then proceeded to WOW the crowd with his scary pussy story. The Korean lady with 2 kids escaped again before doing her FNG down down. Lemur started a nice toasty fire and finally the Tyrant piped up Religion. The hares were first and then Visiting Tokyo Mens Hasher Karinton (sugar cookie). He was AWED by the great trail and said that in Tokyo the hash is building, building, building, but on Saipan it is Jungle, Jungle, Jungle. Next the FNG’s were called forward and after the Clubmate the two Ozzies were called forward and the Tyrant had to caution Queef about Commonwealth Crosstalk between the Dominions. Next a girl that Boonie Bee made come (and was SOOOOOOOO worried about losing her on trail) came forward and wiped her Puss on the mantle and had to do a double. Following this was another trip report from Haj White Rice who was on the AHHH 800th. After many courtesies were done and Lap Robe came up to remind us who she was (since she has been gone so long), 700th Hash Candidates Long & Hairy stepped forward and asked for our support. They even had a paid political advertisement promising Homestead for Hoales. Dog Leg got up to remind everyone to be prepared foe 3 trails this coming hash and Ciega reminded everyone to vote (in the real election and the one for Governor and Legislature).

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
677: 11/8 SSSSSSSSCOTT!
678: 11/15 THUMBELINA AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
680: 11/29 KOW PADDY & BOB CAMPBELL
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
In my esteemed estimation, the run we did on Saturday last week was what hashing is all about. It was well thought out, well marked, well planned (OK so the first treat place got screwed up). Although I would have preferred to go in the water AFTER the pig shit. And although our Japanese Visiting Hasher was pretty bored at religion (he don’t speak Engrish) he sure will have some stories (and pictures) to tell about the trail. And even though I will probably end up with lock jaw (YOU WISH) from the gash I got on my arm, this run will be up there with the legendary river run and the Swamp Run (#200) as one of my favorites.

RUN # 674: THE “SHEETS STUCK IN THE CRACK OF YOUR ASS” RUN
(GREAT BLOW JOB)
HARES: HAJJI PEEWEE & WHITE RICE
BOX: NAVY HILL LIGHT HOUSE
ON HOME: MICRO BEACH
CASUALTIES: WEATHER WEENIES
RATING: ****.5

15 stout hearted hard core hashers (16 if you count SSSSSSSSSSSScott who came late) including two feisty FNG’s showed up at the BOG parking lot with the winds a howling for the first Post (right after the storm) Typhoon Run. This was the first time in the history of the Saipan Hash that a storm had the balls (even if she was a girl) to make land fall on a Saturday afternoon. The Bitch! But she was not so bad that we could not hash. And what a Hash it was. The box was announced as the Navy Hill Lighthouse. When the assembled were inside, the Tyrant ‘splained the instructions to FNG’s Kyle and Nelly who Ciega and Pegasus picked up street walking (the FNG’s, not the All Slimers). The Tyrant also ‘splained to a quivering Arachnophiliac to BE CAREFUL since we were in the StumbleZone. The Hares allowed us a five minute head start (so that not too much of the flour would be washed away) and once this was up, the pack was off. Into Samoan Housing, over to the ball field, back. It was a huge clusterfuck. The Tyrant found the true trail near the bus stop and headed up towards Dela Cruz apartments. A dead end here had the pack heading down the hill towards the intersection where another checking took the pack up the Navy Hill road. One Hand Full, having SCB’d down the pipeline went up to Maturaana but came back out. Ciega, Floor Show, Hot Box, Acute Angina and FNG Nelly would later continue on this trail and have their own hash down the Navy Hill gully. The true trail continued up the Navy Hill road to the top where a checking had some go to the water tank while others headed into Kannat Fananganan Lichan and up to Juan Doe acres. A checking at the gate to Former Gov. Lorenzo Iglesias Deleon Guerreros’s farm This led to the now famous (and often used) Kannat Falipe. In dry season this is a most beautiful and treacherous trail. During the aftermath of a typhoon it is down right dangerous. However, the trail was followed by the few who made it including the FNG Kyle, even AFTER he remarked that he heard he was not supposed to follow the Tyrant, stayed with His Emminence the whole way. Down some waterfalls, lots of slipping and sliding, and crabbing down between slippery rocks. We even ran across a small land crab (if One Hand Full were to tell the story it would have been a crab of giant and pre-historic proportions) scrabbled out of the way of the two hounds. Down, down, down the Gully and out on the bowels of the China Town foot hills. The trail continued down past the Sugar King Hourly motel, the Japanese Shrine, through Sugar King Park, across the Japanese bridge, across the street past the Central Park Pavilion and then a checking which went across the Middle Road Death Strip into Garbagepan. The trail went past Martha’s store to some wooden stripping in the shape of an arrow. Most of the hounds went right (to the beach behind McDonalds 2) and followed the trail to the beach and then all the way to Micro Beach. The Tyrant and FNG Kyle (so he was wrong) went left to 13 Fisherman’s Memorial (NOT) and then turned around and went back. A screaming S.N.O.T. showed the true trail with an arrow and the two final hounds got to the On Home. White Rice worked very hard for a good 20 minutes drying the wood over a slow fire to come up with a great fire which was perfect against the blowing sea breeze and the occasional spray of rain. After the vehicle run was done, the Tyrant piped up religion and the hares were called forward. They did their duty and then the FNG’s were called forward. Kyle and Nelly, a couple of California Lawyer wannabees were awed by the run. Next, trip reports from the 800th Running of the Agana Hash House Harriers lead us to believe that our kindness and gentleness is wearing off on our brethren to the south. Some feeble attempts at jokes were told and Longfellow got up and just HAD to do a poem for this run, done in the wake of destruction. After all was said and done, Swing Low was sung and some went to Coffee Care for a change. The Tyrant of course went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

MISMANAGEMENT
TYRANT/GM: HAJ, F.KRAMDEN, SIR!!
RA: HAJJI PEE WEE
AAAARA: HAJ WHITE RICE
AAARA WANNABEE: TAMMY WHY NOT
FIRE MASTER: HAJ WHITE RICE
HASH CASH: CIEGA
TRAIL MASTER: HAJJI PEEWEE
HASH POET LAUREATE:
LONGFELLOW
ICCKKYTHIOLOGIST: ONE HAND FULL
HASH SCRIBE: JOAN CULLING
The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
676: 11/1 INDECISION 97 ELECTION DAY RUN
***** SHEEP THRILLS, ONE   HAND FULL, & DOG LEG
677: 11/8 SSSSSSSSCOTT!
678: 11/15 THUMBELINA AND THE   BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
680: 11/29 KOW PADDY & BOB   CAMPBELL
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
It takes a special kind of man to leave his wife and small children, niece, nephew, off island house guests, and mother-in-law in a house with no power, and go running in the bush with a bunch of other crazy people. But your Tyrant is just such a man. And even though he whined during the week about the possibility of (God Forbid) no hash taking place because of the storm, he was there when it counted. Honor to me, and honor to the other STORM TROOPERS!!!

SPECIAL HASH ANNOUNCEMENT
***** INDECISION 97.
Three trails. One a dead end. One a circle jerk. And one is into the 21st Century. Tanks will be available for $10. There will be an election for the 700th run hares. Candidates please be prepared to present your platform (and it can not be the Beer Board) and why YOU should be the hare(s) instead of anybody else.

RUN # 673: THE “TWO BOXES ARE BETTER THAN ONE” RUN
HARES: HAJJI PEEWEE & LONE RANGER
BOX #1: I DENNI BUS STOP (CAPITOL HILL)
BOX #2: SADDOK DENNE
ON HOME: HALAIHAI (AS TEO)
CASUALTIES: ARACHNOPHILIAC, LEATHERNECK
RATING: ****.5

42 hounds showed up at the Bank Of Guam to run the virgin (in more ways than one) run of the Lone Ranger and Hajji Peewee. Visiting hasher (from Quantico Vagina) K.W. McKinney (no relation to Kow Paddy or at least no admission) was there as well as returning Boat person and serving wench Cinderella, and some boat FNG’s as well as the young salt Aaron. And let’s not forget Ciega who returned after an all toO long (at least it seemed like months) absence. The box was announced and the assembled headed up to Capitol Hill to the 2nd bus stop after the Capitol Hill Market. And although the Tyrant failed to announce it, the house across the street (where the great big fat pit bull lived) was Box # 1 for the Saipan Hash House Harriers all those many years ago. The special instructions were that we walkers would have a 1 minute head start and the hounds five minutes because the hares would use another 5 minutes later and when the hares put the #1 in the box and would not explain it, the Tyrant knew that something was amiss. The Tyrant quickly (because there was a Mother/Daughters FNG group of walkers) ‘splained the instructions to the other FNG’s who were PIC clubmates and some other boat people. After the .5 customary 10 minute head start the hounds were off down the road that leads to the Old Japanese Field Hospital. A checking took us down through Laderan Machiget along an old rarely traveled road. At the bottom of the hill another checking took us on an even less traveled road and eventually into the jungle and a ravine known as Saddok Denni. Much oohing and aahing past a huge drop off and hole where a check took us to the left away from the drop off. Down some cat shit slippery rocks and down the “ROPE” into a wash out to a coral beach. Here the #2 was written on the ground and the hares were cavorting in the water of the “tube” that runs out to the ocean. After most of the pack was in, the hares were off for another .5 customary 10 minute head start. When this was over it was back up the same trail, along some treacherous limestone lips, right past the gaping hole, and then a checking south on a new trail which meandered along the coastline a little ways and then came out of the jungle on the cliffline just below the property where Flapping Lips and Tiny Tim live. Incredibly enough, most of the hounds arrived within 30 minutes of the FRB’s and a vehicle run was done. The Mother and Daughters disappeared (thus avoiding religion and all the turmoil that follows with KIDS ON THE HASH!!!!) A wonderfully toasty fire was started (and almost started a forest fire) and religion was piped to order. The hares were called forward and did their duty (without the sheets since they forgot and we did not have Dick Chairs”). The visiting Marine Hasher came forward and then it was time for the FNG’s. There were boat persons George (who’s the beard?) and Todd, the drug pusher Marc, Mike a P.I.C.wannabee from the Diamond and Real Clubmates (N.W.A.T.P.I.C.) Kevin and Tammy. Some (but not enough) courtesies were done to the run (which was EXCELLENT by the way) and finally the Tyrant was reduced to telling some of his favorite jokes. Kowpaddy threw in a couple of zingers but the Tyrant in fact was reduced to telling jokes you could tell to your 3rd grade class (Two Obese Patty’s, Special Ross, Lester Freize picking Bunions on a Sesame Street Bus) . Swing Low was sung, the fire was doused, and the assembled headed to Rudolpho’s. The Tyrant of course, went home.
HASHING AROUND THE WORLD.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

MISMANAGEMENT
TYRANT/GM: HAJ, F.KRAMDEN, SIR!!
RA: HAJJI PEE WEE
AAAARA: HAJ WHITE RICE
AAARA WANNABEE: TAMMY WHY NOT
FIRE MASTER: HAJ WHITE RICE
HASH CASH: CIEGA
TRAIL MASTER: HAJJI PEEWEE
HASH POET LAUREATE: LONGFELLOW
ICCKKYTHIOLOGIST: ONE HAND FULL
HASH SCRIBE: GARY GLENROSS
The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan. U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
675: 10/25 OPEN
676: 11/1 HALLOWEEN/   ELECTION DAY RUN
***** SHEEP THRILLS, ONE   HAND FULL, & DOG LEG
677: 11/8 OPEN
678: 11/15 THUMBELINA AND THE   BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
680: 11/29 KOW PADDY & BOB   CAMPBELL
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

EDITORIAL
It was a pleasure to be a part of the hash this weekend. The down hill was excellent. The jungles and ravines superb. The 2nd box a natural wonder. The On Home perfect (except no beach). But we did get to see satellites. That is why I found it so hard to believe that we do not have a receding hare line that goes into the next year. Why are you people so selfish and lazy. All it takes is a government job so you can leave in the middle of the day and no one will know. Put the extra time and effort in and leave your mark on the history of the hash.

SPECIAL HASH ANNOUNCEMENT
***** Indecision -97. Three trails. One a dead end. One a circle jerk. And one is into the 21st Century. Tanks will be available for $10. There will be an election for the 700th run hares. Candidates please be prepared to present your platform (and it can not be the Beer Board) and why YOU should be the hare(s) instead of anybody else.

RUN # 672: THE “SHORT, SWEET, BRONZE BUNNED, VIRGIN” RUN
HARES: REICHARD GERE
BOX: WING BEACH MIDDLE
ON HOME: PAU PAU BEACH NORTH
CASUALTIES: BRONZE BUNS PRIVACY
RATING: ***
Around 25 hounds showed up at the Bank of Guam ( a very small crowd for the second week in a row. Some of the Tinianese were back but this week SOME hounds thought over night with the rats at Managaha was more exciting than a hash). The crowd included two re-visitng hash men from the Tokyo Mens hash (Shit on My Face) and Stepped in Shit as well as a faux FNG from the Tinian Fun Run/Hash #6. In the absence of the real Hash Cash (although the chow was more abundand and junkier) the Tyrant (who misplaced the gloves in the snack box and forgot the Hash Registry) collected money from the hounds. The box was announced as Wing Beach and the assembled headed north. Mrs. Gere and someone from Red Cross drove the Beer Truck (watching them during Religion I understand why they don’t run every week since our humor disgusts them). Anyway, the hounds got in the box (the same place where One Hand Full single handedly wresteld with the GREAT WHITE trapped inside the tide pool). The Tyrant asked if there were any special instructions and the Hare said “NO”. After the customary 10 minute head start (which was ticked off by Glow Box since the Tyrant still does not have his watch replaced) the pack was off to the dirt road which leads to the beach. And ony the stupidest of hounds went in the direction that the Beer Truck DID NOT go. The trail ked out to the north rim of the Go Kart track and then headed up to Wallace High Way. A checking here took the pack up towards the Happy Asshole Cuntry Club and Gof Course. The trail continued up on the rim road towards the Bid Blue avove the As Matooeys!!!!! homestead and land scam acres, but checked right into the jungle at the peak of the first hill. Then it meandered down the hillside through some absolutely virgin territory. It was here that the first important Trailmaster question was asked. “Did he say anything about white ribbon?”
No one could remember except the Tyrant who said “Absl=olutely Not!” But the hounds followed this trail anyway. The trail continued on down and donw and down and finally broke out of the jungle at the Wallace High Way again. A checking here took the pack into the jungle across the street. It was here that SCB’s Beerhead and some others flew straight to Pau Pau. It was also here that the second most important Trailmaster question was asked. “Did he say anything about toilet paper on Trail?” Apparently not, but the hounds forged ahead and continued on past the Lower Happy Asshole Cuntry Club bungelow park and dump site and on down to the beach.
They missed a huge treat at the bottom of the trail where it hit the beach. Abitu 50 yards south on the beach, a lone, red headed, bronzed surfer dude, leopard thong and all was sunning his buns on the beach. Once all the hounds had come in, a vehicle run was done and Haj White Rice was seen playing hookie at the Marpi Pool. There was a most beautiful sunset (no green flash but the reddest pinkest coluds I have ever seen). The Tyrant and Hajji Pee Wee got a fairly decent fire going and then Religion was piped to order. The Hare was called forward and did his duty (quietly as Richard Gere dies everything). The Re-visiting Hashers from Tolyo came forward and wished well to all and were happy to be back. They were here last year when we finished at Marine Beach and saw the most awesome Moon Set. The Faux FNG was called forward and did his down down and then some courtesies were done. Hajji Pee Wee gave a trip report from the Tinina Hash. There were very few courtesies so the Tyrant told some jokes. Then some more jokes were told, and then a Circle Joke was started and this soon fizzled out. The vessel and robes were retired, Swing Low was sung, and the assembled left for Rudolpho’s. The Tyrant returned Ciega’s vehicle, the coolers, and the left over snacks, and then of course went home.

REMEMBER, IF YOU GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO HASH, START ONE. IT IS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND SOME ONE IS BOUND TO SHOW THEIR TITS ONE OF THESE DAYS.

The Saipan Hash House Harriers convenes every Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (3:30 during “winter”) at the Bank of Guam parking lot in Garapan.
U.S.$6.00 (NON NEGOTIABLE)

RECEDING HARE LINE
674: 10/18 OPEN
675: 10/25 OPEN
676: 11/1 OPEN HALLOWEEN/ ELECTION DAY RUN
677: 11/8 OPEN
678: 11/15 THUMBELINA AND THE BANKERS CIRCLE JERK
680: 11/29 LEAVE IT
699: 4/11/98 HUFFY PUFFY
CONTACT CIEGA TO SIGN UP. IT IS A HASHERS DUTY TO BE A HARE. BE SOMEBODY, SET TRAIL FOR YOUR FREINDS.

Run #671

Run #670

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